For a while now I’ve been struggling with revisions of stories. I seem to have no problem writing new stories, and working on novels has been going well lately. But old stories which have gone through the critiquing process – either with Altered Fluid or at Clarion West – have given me pause. I’ve resisted diving back into them, and when I do, I often feel like I don’t know what to do.

I’ve thought a lot about the reasons for this and I think it comes down to fear of breaking them. Most of these stories have something that I like in them. These tend to be my most recent stories, stories that have received better feedback and I think there’s a fear there about taking away what makes them special, of losing something – the voice, the energy, the freshness. But, as we all know, fear is the mind-killer. It’s preventing me getting these stories, stories that I think are some of my best, out into the world.

So, my goal for February is to work on revising some of these stories. I’ll be conservative and say I’ll revise (to a point where I can submit them) three stories. I’m going to shoot for five, though. It’s a short month and there are birthday celebrations and other things going on, but I’m going to commit to this. When I have more stories circulating, then I can feel better about diving back into the novels (not that they’re going to be ignored).

Do other people out there ever have this problem with revising?

I thought that I would take some time here to talk about all of my talented friends and the great work that they’re doing in the world of fiction.

First up, is E.C. Myers. Most of the people reading this probably know Eugene and know that he’s one of the hardest working writers around. And recently that hard work has paid off. He recently sold his YA book, Fair Coin, to Pyr and as someone who’s read the manuscript, I’m telling you that you’ll be wanting to read it when it comes out. It’s smart and fun and surprising and I can’t wait to see it turn up on bookshelves. Hell, I’m hoping that it will end up as a movie.

Eugene is also a short story writer and his story in Sybil’s Garage #7, “My Father’s Eyes”, has rightly been singled out by reviewers as one of the stand-out stories. SF Site said of it, “This was one of the most moving, and in an unforced way original, stories in the collection — my joint favourite with M.K. Hobson’s ‘Kid Despair in Love.'” Matt Kressel, Editor of Sybil’s Garage, recently made the issue available as a free download, but only for the next 2 weeks or so. You can download a PDF copy here.

Eugene is going to be leaving those of us in NY soon, but for a good reason – he recently got engaged as well. Eugene’s one of the kindest and most generous people I know and he will be missed, but I wish him and his fiancee (hi, Carrie) all the best.

The last post, where I posted a roughly recorded, only newly finished song on this website, was the culmination of many years of struggle for me. I’ve been playing guitar and writing and singing songs for many years now – my first was when I was 16 – but it’s only been recently that I’ve been able to do so in front of other people. Far from the stereotype of the guitar player who sat and played songs for anyone who would listen, music was always a private thing for me. I would play piano at home as a way of expressing emotion and relieving stress. Guitar became a similar thing, a private thing. There was that stretch that I had a band, of course. But that always felt different. I had three other people to play with, other music to weave into. I sang my own songs, yes, but it was behind a microphone, on a stage with amps and lights and it seemed like a different thing. Somehow that was always easier than sitting down in a room with just a guitar and one or two people.

My Clarion West classmates convinced me to play for them while I was in Seattle. It was painful for all of us. It became a joke that it would take me at least a half hour just to warm up to the idea of playing and singing in front of people and then there was a comedown, minutes afterward where I’d be all shaky and woozy and red and flushed. But, somewhere in there, something clicked. Music is a personal expression for me. I can do it just by myself and be happy. But as with my writing, there is something gratifying about someone experiencing what you wrote. In this case, someone hearing the song, and possibly enjoying it, brought its own rewards.

So I made an effort to try to be better about playing in front of people. I made a conscious decision to fight the shyness and to try to write more and share those songs with people.

It wasn’t always easy. I had a string of playing for people then abruptly stopped. Sometimes inspiration is hard to find.

Then I met N. It felt important somehow to play for her, so I did. And, amazingly, I found that not only did I like playing around her, but she inspired me to write new songs. It’s always been this weird thing that I rarely write songs when in relationships, but with N, I do. Often I come up with them when she’s in the next room. And I want to play them. And I want to record them. And there’s this feeling that it’s okay and that it’s not this difficult thing to overcome.

I made a few resolutions for this year regarding the music. One was that I would write more. Another that I would record more of my songs. A third was that I would try an open mic night. I haven’t made a whole lot of headway on those yet, but I am reminding myself that those goals are there.

So, my last post was part of this effort to be less worried about this kind of thing. To overcome this fear of exposing that side of myself. And now it’s out there for anyone to hear.

I’ll try to post updates here as that will help. Maybe more songs from time to time.

I hope you don’t mind.

So, yes, this is a test. I was clearing up files on my desktop the other day and came across this song I’d recorded on my phone. And while it’s rough, and the song really needs some rewriting, I thought I would test out posting music here.

Keep in mind that this is a crappy recording and the chorus needs work.

Hope it works…

Test Song

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing one of my favorite living authors, Jeffrey Ford, read at the WORD Bookstore in Greenpoint. Jeff’s stories are surreal, funny, poignant and personal to use just a few adjectives, and always entertaining. Last night was no exception. He read a story called “The Double of My Double is Not My Double”. The story is new and, I believe, unpublished. That’s one of the great things about Jeff’s readings – you usually end up with something you’ve never heard (or read) before. I think Jeff’s one of the finest short story writers I’ve ever encountered and if you’re interested in short stories as either a reader or a writer, you must check out some of his fine fiction. You can read some of them for free here, here, and here. Also here. Or you can hear me reading two of his stories at Podcastle – The Dreaming Wind and The Annals of Eelin-Ok.

Also reading last night was Felix Gilman who read part of a short story set in the same world as his most recent novel (which I’m dying to read), The Half-Made World. What I heard of “Lightbringers and Rainmakers” sounded great and the whole thing is available to read (for free) on Tor.com.

Which brings me just to one point. WORD has this thing, particularly for this Wold Newton series of readings, where they have musical accompaniment with the readers. It’s an interesting concept, but one I find ultimately problematic. While the band is great, and the music a pleasure to listen to, I find that it often competes with the author’s reading and, the way my brain works, I have to fight to focus on the words rather than the music. Last night, Jeff managed to be heard throughout his reading, but Felix, who is more softspoken, sometimes seemed drowned out. I wouldn’t have them ditch the music completely, but I think it would be used more effectively to intro and outro the readers and perhaps as people are coming in and in-between readers. Otherwise I, at least, find it to be somewhat distracting.

Afterward, we moved over to the nearby Lulu’s for a beer. I have to admit to being pleasantly surprised by the place. It’s a comfy, dark yet somehow elegant bar with a decent beer selection and with each drink you order after 6, you get a free pizza. I paid five bucks for a Captain Lawrence Smoked Porter, which I enjoyed, expecting a wilted, cardboardy slice of pizza to accompany it. Instead I got a fairly decent mini-pie that filled me up completely.  I have to admit to now being a fan of the place and I will certainly return.

All in all, quite a wonderful night.